I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
