i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
