The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
