Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
