Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize