I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I cut my penus on the lid.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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