you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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