I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
