I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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