What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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