i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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