Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
