he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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