So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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