I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
