Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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