I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
