Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
