He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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