I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
