So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
