I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
