It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
