and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
