Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
