Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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