i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
