my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
