You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
