i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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