I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
