My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
