My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
