Umm I'm too high to move.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
