i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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