Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize