Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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