I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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