i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
this is an emotional support booty call
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
