how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
