Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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