organizing the empties. That sober.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
