.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
