I skipped work to stalk him.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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