im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize