come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize