I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
