Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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