yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
