on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I look better un-naked...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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