6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
