jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You pole danced in your parka.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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