I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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