Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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