I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
