Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We don't watch enough power rangers
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
