she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
