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Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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