There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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