We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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