where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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