Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
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Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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