you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
