OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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