Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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