She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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