this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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