If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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