I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Life is so much better after having sex.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
