yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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