you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Houston, we have a squirter
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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