I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
