so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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