i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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