just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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