in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do vagina's smell?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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