I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
