Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
