then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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