just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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