Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
