let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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